Rorate Caeli

I shudder to think of tomorrow

All Souls: a special day to visit the cemetery. And I shudder to think that on this November 2, for the first time on an All Souls' Day, I will also see the name of my mother there.

They say the pain subsides with time, but that is not true. We get numb, but when days such as All Souls come, it is as if a blade cut through it all, and I weep merely thinking of tomorrow. I wish I could hug her, and kiss her, and talk with her, and ask for her advice, and listen to her stories about the past, or about her childhood, or about our childhood... I wish I could see her smile, and the way she looked out a window to just pause and admire and say, "God is sending the birds to sing for us!" I wish I could tell her that her joyfulness was as a fuel for the entire family. We have run out of it.

November 2, a day to renew sorrow and pain: may God hear our prayers.