Rorate Caeli

Fighting discrimination

The Cola Consecration Conference Decries Ban on Cola use in Phoenix Diocese

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: August 22, 2011

Contact: empowered@cola-consecration.com

WASHINGTON, DC - August 22, 2011 - Cola soft drinks will no longer be allowed as an ingredient in consecration matter during Mass at the cathedral of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Phoenix, SS. Simon and Jude. In response, the Cola Consecration Conference has issued an action alert calling on the Diocese to immediately reinstate cola soft drinks in that parish.

"If young people in the Phoenix diocese want to grow up to work for the Church - or even aspire to the priesthood - I, and the vast majority of U.S. Catholics, don't see the harm in the use of such a popular drink," said Scarlett O'Tara, executive director of the Cola Consecration Conference. "Around the country, cola drinks have been lawfully served at the altar for well over a decade."

Reportedly, Rev. Reaction banned cola from the altar because he exclusively wants wine and a tiny bit of water to be used in this way. Since 1994, the Vatican and the U.S. Bishops have allowed the use of some cola drinks at the altar. There is no restriction in Canon Law for some cola to be used at the altar during the liturgy.

"This is not only disgraceful, it is impractical. Cola soft drinks are less expensive, more popular, and comprise at least 80 per cent of bottled drinks, and they are the backbone of the non-alcoholic beverage industry around the world," continued O'Tara.

"The Vatican's stance on the consecration of cola is based on arguments that have been refuted time and again. In 1976, the Vatican's own Pontifical Biblical Commission determined that there is no scriptural reason to prohibit the use of cola in consecration. Jesus included water, sugar, corn, natural flavorings, and carbon dioxide as full and equal natural products of Creation, as much as grapes, and the hierarchy would do well to follow suit," O'Tara concluded.













[Serious update: not real - completely based on this, with the change of only a few words.]

23 comments:

New Catholic said...

Thanks for the inspiration:

http://tinyurl.com/3vjapdu

See you in September. There are a few other scheduled posts in the meantime.

nC

bedwere said...

Oh, cola is so vitriolic!

Rick said...

The bubbling effervescence of cola so wonderfully captures the essence of the renewal.

It seems a shame that accommodations cannot be made in a spirit of inclusiveness.

I believe we should all strive to broaden the conversation.......

Knight of Malta said...

"Since 1994, the Vatican and the U.S. Bishops have allowed the use of some cola drinks at the altar."

Isn't that the same year they allowed altar girls? Says it all!

Like my 15 year old daughter might say, rolling her eyes, "Jesus was SO mean not allowing girl Apostles!"

Anonymous said...

This satire reminds me of a true incident which occurred a few years ago in a class I attended. A classmate insisted that, in danger of death, Coca Cola could be used to Baptize someone. I said, "No, no, you've got it all confused. The rule is that ordinary tap water can be used in place of blessed water in the case of an emergency." I'm afraid that she was not convinced and would not accept correction. Therefore, she must have been right.

By the way, I'm not making this up. It is a true story and the classmate in question was Catholic. God knows what the average Novus Ordo people believe these days.

P.K.T.P.

Veritas Vincit said...

Good one sir!

Gratias said...

Reminds me of the movie " The Gods must be crazy".

NBW said...

Is this for real? If so, this Vatican II moment takes the cake!

Carlos Antonio Palad said...

Mind you, there have been real cases of priests using coke in place of wine and water at "Holy Mass".

shane said...

The Diocese of Phoenix have just posted a clarification on their website: in response to concerned enquirers they have decided that they will accept Pepsi. Nothing to worry about then.

LeonG said...

This is the result of that nefarious protestant doctrine "Cola Scriptura".

Jacobitess said...

Gracious Heavens, don't do that again! I was clutching my chest and gasping for breath before I got to the end!

Gideon Ertner said...

I think this kind of thing is very unhelpful. We have to remember that our Church is not a fly in amber. The surrounding mindset is very different and much more hostile to the Church than was the case only a couple generations ago. I'm afraid that this move will do much to alienate people even more, especially the young. Is this really what we need?

Cola is really a straw man. It is not cola that creates the problems in the Church; the problems are real but are caused by a host of factors that do not lend themselves to simplistic analysis such as that in Phoenix. I say if the Vatican is not so rigidly against cola, there is no reason why we should be. Priests do not sin in using cola in the liturgy!

As long as it is used reverently and in a way that does not directly contradict the rubrics, I for one have no problem with it. There are more important battles to be fought.

Credo In Unum Deum said...

I guess the only problem with this kind of post is that I know for sure that it is a joke... but a few of the comments have left me scratching my head, wondering, "Is s/he for real? Or was that a real bad attempt at being funny?"
Anyway, God bless the good priest who banned female altar boys.

Anonymous said...

After a first chuckle, I did not on reflection find this mock-editorial particularly funny. The use of Cola in place of wine would be a shameful mockery of the Mass which the use of altar girls (as much as we don't like the idea) is simply not.
You're comparing vandalism and arson to mere sloppy housekeeping.

Of course only men should serve at the altar because only men can be priests, because the use of young acolytes (altar boys) has long been understood as a recruiting tool for the priesthood and because many little boys don't like to do stuff they come to regard (rightly or wrongly) as girlish. But at worst, the use of female altar servers is simply a bad idea, not comparable to a (theoretical) use of illicit matter in the Consecration.

We have to fight this battle without sounding anti-female and without giving little girls (including my niece and many of her friends) the false notion that they are doing something evil.

Tom B

LeonG said...

"female altar boys"

Absolutely wonderful concept - truly postmodernist.

Jonvilas said...

Is this serious? It is not a joke? I mean, did it really go like that in USA for years? And these people still consider themselves to be catholics? Well,...

Jordanes551 said...

It's a joke, Jonvilas, a satire.

Knight of Malta said...

Pepsi Co. uses stem cell <a href="http://healthfreedoms.org/2011/06/01/aborted-fetal-tissue-used-to-test-new-food-additives/>product in the research for their drinks</a>. What this boils down to, is that if you drink pepsi at Holy Mass, you are drinking a drink that was designed from an aborted baby.

New Springtime!

Anonymous said...

Just like the cola, the NO seemed bubbly at first but became flat very quickly.

-Tony

Jonvilas said...

Deo gratias, then, Jordanes. :)

Cunjo said...

For a moment i thought i was in ecstasy of Divine Love...

Anonymous said...

I don't think I can take anymore of this springtime!