Aldo Maria Valli interviews Pope Gregory the Great

January 16, 2018

  

Good day Your Holiness.

Good day to you too.

Might I disturb your Holiness for a moment?

Of course.

Your are Pope Gregory, aren’t you? Gregory The First, called Gregory The Great?

In person.

Please pardon my boldness, but I’d like to interview Your Holiness.

Interview?

Yes, just ask you a few questions.

Go ahead, I’ll be happy to answer them if I’m able.

Thank you, Your Holiness.  I don’t know if you’ve heard that the Equestrian Order carrying your Holiness’ name was given to a Dutch lady….

Equestrian Order?  I’m afraid I don’t understand….

Well then….hmm….It’s an Order of Chivalry of the Holy See - an award.

And this award, as you call it, carries my name?

Exactly Your Holiness.

And why?

Well, then, it was another Pope Gregory , Gregory XVI, in 1831, who founded this Order, a first class one,  to confer to Catholics, both men and women, who have distinguished themselves in their service to the Church as well as for their good example.

Interesting.  And why ever would Our successor Gregory XVI name it after Us?

Well, I’m not really an expert on the matter,  but I believe it was to honour You. You have been … you are an important Pope, very important…

Ah…I see…

Yes, so I was saying that  recently this honour, this award, was  given to a Dutch lady…

Why? Did she do battle against the barbarians?

No, no, Your Holiness….

Battling the barbarians, defending Rome and saving the Faith is of great merit. We did battle against the Lombards for a long time…

Of course…of course…

Or perhaps this lady evangelized some populations?...

No, Your Holiness, she evangelized no-one.  At least that’s how it appears to us…

Well then, did she perhaps contribute to the rebuilding of Rome?  In our time, We worked hard to bring back luster to the city, in an age of great decadence…

Yes, yes, we know this, but no this lady has not contributed to the rebuilding of Rome…

Ah, now I’m with you! Well then she surely has contributed to improving the liturgy, rendering it more coherent and solemn. It was another one of Our undertakings….

No, Your Holiness. She hasn’t contributed to improving the liturgy…

Oh, how odd. Well why then this honour which carries Our name?...

There you have it Your Holiness, the fact is that…

No, don’t tell me now! I’ve got it! She re-launched Gregorian Chant, Our beloved Gregorian Chant!

Not that either, Your Holiness. The lady has done nothing in favour of Gregorian Chant. To tell you the truth I don’t even know whether she can sing…

Oh! But you surprise Us, sir.  You are talking about an award that carries Our name , but I see  none of  the questions that were at the center of our work and life correspond to the interests of this lady…

That’s it, Your Holiness, it was precisely on this [issue] that we’d like your opinion. The Order of St. Gregory The Great was given to that lady because…because…

Tell us, do tell us…don’t keep Us on tenterhooks!

Because…well actually we don’t really know why. It was our hope Holiness, that You might be able to help us understand…

Us? …but We, my dear man …didn’t even know of the existence of this award…

Yes, but I thought that since the Order carries your august name, your Holiness perhaps might have been informed…

No, I’m sorry to say, but no-one told Us anything. Still, believe me, this happens a lot. In any case what remarkable thing might this lady have done?

Well, the thing is..this lady had worked …actually -  has been working a lot in favour of abortion and the LGBT cause-…

My dear man, at this point I confess I understand nothing at all of what you’re saying.

Please forgive me Your Holiness,  it isn’t easy to explain…

I see that.  I see that. You are saying things that don’t make any sense…

But they do make sense, Your Holiness.  They are only difficult [to understand) for those like Yourself, who lived a long time ago.

Try anyway. We’d be most grateful.

How to do this now?  Look, Your Holiness,  I’ll try to say it like this:  this lady retains that mothers when they are expecting a child, can decide whether to keep the baby or not.  She further retains that rights should be extended and granted as far as possible  to all those people who are part of the LGBT world: lesbians, homosexuals, bisexuals and transgenders.

My dear man, we are bound to reiterate  that it is rather difficult for Us to understand the meaning of your words. One thing though, We think We have understood and it is that this dear lady has done absolutely nothing in defense of the Church and the Faith.  Therefore, if you don’t mind, we’d prefer now to end this interview which for Us  -  perhaps also as a result of all the centuries separating us – has been somewhat onerous and  – we will not hide it -  a source of certain disquiet.

I understand very well Your Holiness and hope that Your Holiness will forgive  us. We had thought…

Not to worry. Go your way in peace and receive Our blessing.

Thank you Your Holiness, thank you very much.

But before you go, tell Us: in your times, who is it that holds the fate of Our beloved Holy Mother Church in his hands?

We have a Pope that comes from Argentina…

Argentina? And what country might that be? Is it in the part of the Angles?

No, Your Holiness, it isn’t.  It is a part of the world which was discovered many, many years after your existence on this earth.  A lot of water has flowed under the bridges of the Tiber…

Don’t mention the Tiber! When I was Pope that river overflowed in a devastating manner and caused a terrible  plague.  Has it been overflowing now – in your times?

No, Your Holiness.  Thank God it hasn’t overflowed for quite a while now.

And what about the plague? Do you have it?

No, Your Holiness, we don’t.  At least not in the classical sense of the word.

Again, I’m afraid I don’t understand.

Never mind, Your Holiness, I’ll leave you to rest.

One last thing: were the barbarians converted in the end?

It’s difficult to say Your Holiness.  In general yes, but perhaps new barbarians are looming over us…

My dear man, your enigmatic words prove distasteful to Our mind…

Forgive me again. Your Holiness has been more than patient.  Thank you and rest well.

Now I think I’ll devote some time to Chant. Gregorian – obviously!

Excellent! Thank you once again!  Au revoir Your Holiness!

[Source]

Translation:  Contributor, Francesca Romana